Children and Violence: Our Darkest Hours

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In the latest issue of Rolling Stone Magazine, there is an article, The Mall Massacre, which tells the story of a troubled teenager, Robert A. Hawkins, who shot up a Nebraska mall last December, killing eight people. He then shot himself. The story is not about the mall shootings, it’s about the tragic life of a boy who grew up without love.

On the second page of the article, there is a quote that haunts my heart, even in my sleep, “From the very beginning of his life, Rob Hawkins was a throwaway kid.” I read those words and wept. I wept for Robert and for all the throwaway kids all over the world. The Black kids, the White kids, the rich kids, the poor kids, each and every throwaway kid left for dead, before they ever got a chance to live.

In April of 1999, I flew to Littleton, Colorado the day after the tragedy at Columbine High School. An ATF Agent, who was a client at the time, was called to the scene and asked if I would consider going. She felt my presence and support would be needed in the face of all those suffering in the aftermath of such terror and grief. In the five days I spent in Colorado, I learned a great deal about myself and the depth of my own beliefs.

Whether I was offering love and support to a tormented mother whose child survived or speaking with others who had come to offer their advice and assistance, it was startlingly clear to me that we were in a war zone. Our children were waging a war with fear, an enemy whose demons had morphed into something so ominous, they could not overcome or defeat them alone. They were losing the war and we were losing them. They are our children. How could we ever leave them alone to face such unspeakable, unnameable darkness? Where were we? Where did we go?

Upon my return home, I decided to write a letter to the District Attorney, Dave Thomas. I stopped by his office before leaving, after listening to him speak at a press conference. I was moved and felt a spark of hope, as he spoke about finding a deeper truth about what was happening to our children. His assistant encouraged me to write to him; she said my vision was in harmony with his and she felt he would be very interested in hearing from me.

In the letter, I wrote:

We need to find the reason why, once again, our children are choosing to die, instead of live. What pain is so unbearable that it can twist the innocent heart of a child, causing him to feel hatred and murderous rage? What essential and necessary truth were these young men missing in the foundation and structure of their lives? Why are we, as adults, responsible for both the young men who killed and their victims? Is it possible that the young men were victims of our own conscious and unconscious neglect?

Where was our love last Tuesday, and every moment leading up to it, that would have prevented such a tragedy from ever being conceived of, let alone acted upon? In the end, it has taken our most extreme response to fear — by the hands of our children — to alert us to the most undeniable truth: without fully embracing love as the foundation, structure and walk of our lives, we will not survive as a race of beings. If we refuse, this time, to accept easy answers and are willing to take responsibility for transforming a human legacy of fear into one of love, we will begin to understand that, in truth, everyone that died last Tuesday gave his or her life to save the human race.

It doesn’t matter where we live, the color of our skin or how much money we have. What matters is what is in our hearts. We all need to be nurtured and held in love. We all need to feel that the people close to us honor and respect our lives and who we are as people. We all need to know that our lives are important and filled with hope and possibility. We all need to be loved.

As I read what I wrote years ago, I hear the souls of our children asking to be heard. I hear them beseeching me to speak on their behalf. I hear them say that love will save them, will save all of us, if we would only open our eyes and bear witness to the truth of what living without love is costing the whole of humanity.

Over the past decade, we have become more and more fearful of everything — including love.  Out of pain and mistrust, we have withheld love from ourselves, each other, and our children. Somewhere along the way, we chose to believe that we could give children everything, except love, and they would turn out okay; or give them nothing, including love, and they would turn out no worse than we did. Even those who get by on what we are able to give, including love, are still not getting enough. Whatever the choice, in the end, we have continued to unravel the foundational reality and stability of childhood and, in doing so, we have unleashed a darkness whose unfolding rages on, without cessation or remedy.

I could end this post on a higher, more positive note. However, I’m going to just leave it where it lays. In this way, we all have the opportunity to reflect, contemplate and envision our own responsibility and our own plan of action to transform this hellish darkness into light. And God, well, in His infinite wisdom and patience, is holding the faith and waiting for us to show up for ourselves and for each other in love.

Always in my heart,

Melana

Children, Cultural Diversity and Self-Esteem

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Children have been on my mind a great deal lately. After posting  The Path: A Little Q, & A, I was, once again, reminded how very important it is for us to teach our children to love themselves. Remembering that each child is the ‘new beginnings’ of a human being, who will grow into adulthood and become what that child was taught to feel and believe. Our children are forever our future; what we teach them is what we, as human beings, become and create in our world.

I wrote the following piece years ago for a northern California school district seeking input on teaching children cultural awareness in the classrooms. It speaks to the practical application of learning to love the self, in relationship to our children, to our cultural awareness and to understanding our own humanity.

                                                                                                  

 

When teaching our children the importance of cultural awareness, acceptance and appreciation, not only in their own culture, but also in the diverse cultures they come in contact with and relate to, we must be clear about our own intentions and the bottom-line goal we would like them to reach.

It is my feeling that self-esteem is that goal, and should be presented to the children as the motivating factor for honoring and celebrating their own culture. If they can begin to see the beauty and perfection in themselves, they can begin to see the beauty and perfection in other cultures and in all human beings.

Self-esteem is the ability to love, honor and support oneself, to know ones own truth and to stand in that truth empowered and capable of creating a life filled with positive values and outstanding achievements. Our children need to know that, regardless of their cultural heritage, it is their birthright as human beings to grow up in the light of their own love for themselves.

We must understand that is is not our culture that gives us our self-esteem, we, as human beings, bring self-esteem to our culture. Being a member of the African American, Native American, White, Asian, Latin, Hispanic, Indian or any culture or religion, does not insure that we will automatically know how or have the ability to love ourselves.

To have the gift of self-love, we must start at the beginning. We must look, not at our cultural diversity, but at the common thread that connects us all — our humanity. Each of us must look inside and realize that what we see can be seen my everyone else, as they they look inside themselves. Our fears, our hopes, our desires, our dreams, are also everyone else’s. They are personal because they happen on an individual level; they are universal because they happen to all human beings, regardless of any cultural differences.

I would like to suggest that when we approach our children to teach them the truth about the different cultures they encounter, we also teach them the truth about being a human being. To embrace cultural understanding as a vehicle for cultural unity, we must first understand and embrace the truth that we are all already united as human beings. We must use that as the basic structure from which we grow and learn to love ourselves and each other.

Melana

The Path: A Little Q & A

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Although I can’t post the actual process of the Work, I can share with you some of the text describing various aspects and stages of Spiritual Newborns and Spiritual Warriors.  In this way, you’ll have an overview of The Path structure and the steps involved in facilitating the walk from fear to love. 

The following section on ‘frequently asked questions’ was added to a later edition of the Guidebook, as a part of the introduction to Spiritual Newborns.

 

                                                                                                             

 

When entering into the reality of a process such as The Path, it is wise to have knowledge of some of the more practical aspects of the design, as well as, the effect and impact the process will have on your daily life. The following are questions most often asked by people deciding to do the Work.

 

How long does it take to go through The Path?

The Path was designed to take from six months to one year to complete. This time frame is reached by meeting once a week for 1-1 1/2 hours. The flexibility in the length of time is due to the individual person and the length of time it takes to move from one stage to the next. Everyone is different in this regard, and each tends to follow his or her own drummer.
(Note: Because of the new changes forthcoming in The Path, this timeframe will change. I still included it because it allows one to see how the Work was done in the past).

 

How has the design of The Path changed over the years?

Given that The Path is a living entity, it continually changes to accommodate the growth of the beings it supports. We began with a group format, and later moved to doing individual sessions. Now, both group and individual sessions are a part of the design. As we look to the future, we are able to see other changes unfold. With The Path being exposed to a larger world view, we anticipate the need for accommodating larger groups of people, and can see moving into workshops and retreats of various lengths, designing a format where The Path can be guided and taught in those venues.
(Note: The vision for changing the format has been in place for quite some time!)

 

How will doing The Path affect my every day life?

In every way. More than The Path itself, shifting your reality from fear to love has immediate impact and influence on how you perceive and walk your day-to-day life.  What you believe, what you feel, what you say and what you do will require different levels of focus and intent than you are use to giving them. Since The Path is designed to move you through your process at a gentle and loving pace, even with all the changes going on inside of you, you are still able to function in your life with relative normalcy. We never undergo more than we can handle. With the support of a Guide and your own soul’s navigational expertise, you will find that you are very capable of being present for both your life and your healing process.

 

What will be the impact on my personal relationships?

Since your relationships with others are a mirror of your own relationship with yourself, they will change in direct alignment with your own changes. When you let go of certain aspects of your behavior and ways in which you have been treating yourself, some of your relationships will end to support the new growth in your life. As you grow to love yourself, you become unwilling to continue in relationships that cannot hold you in love. Equally, some relationship transform beautifully and continue to grow as you do. In the end, you find self-love teaches you how to create loving relationships with others.

 

What if it doesn’t work for me?

Love is your birthright. It is the one thing that we were all born with that no one can take from us or deny us the right to embrace it. Because The Path is designed to support awakening to your own birthright, it will work for everyone. The only person who can stop The Path from supporting you to love yourself, or stop love from awakening in your life is you. You must choose love in order to have a relationship with it. You must also choose whatever vehicle or belief system that suits your needs to support you in choosing love. And, you must be willing to commit to your own healing in order to transform your life from fear to love.

 

Is The Path designed for children?

Interestingly enough, children are the most likely candidates for The Path because they have spent less time under the influence of fear. They also have a much stronger memory of love, in its pure essence, and the innocence necessary to protect that love. We have found that in order for a child to have the space and support to heal, the parents must be willing to heal themselves. Otherwise, the child is in direct opposition to its own family dynamic, which could compound and worsen the levels of fear the child is exposed to in the home.

Another future design for The Path is to create a curriculum for teaching children of all ages, as well as adults, about the reality of love, what it is and the nature of its impact on human life. We believe that by educating people about the necessity, value and practical benefits of living in a love based reality, an opening can be created for adults to learn to love themselves and, thus, support the children to become self-loving.

Guides and Guiding: A Deeper Look…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
 

I wanted to take a moment and speak a little more about guiding and what led me to entertain the idea of allowing people to act as their own Guides.  I learned to guide from my teachers, Chakra and Monea. They were masterful in demonstrating, with impeccable clarity, dignity and grace, what it took to be a true and loving Guide. I never questioned walking in their footsteps or following their leadership with precision and attention to the smallest detail; I knew this was how it had to be done. As I look back on my own experience with the Guides I taught, I believe my easeful compliance and intuitive understanding had to do with who I am and with attributes and characteristics that are an inherent part of my own make-up. One could say, learning directly from Chakra and Monea was the key to my success with guiding. However, C & M were also involved in teaching the other Guides — but with very different results.

The most basic requirement of a Guide is a willingness to ‘walk the talk’ of love. I say ‘willingness’ because, unlike C & M, we human beings are not expected to be perfect or to have gained mastery (without years of devoted discipline and practice) in walking the truth of love in our lives in every moment. We are not expected to be perfect, but we must be committed to the ongoing process of ‘moving through our personal injury’ into a place of greater clarity and ultimate healing. As a Guide, it is not possible (with good results) to ask an Ally to do what we ourselves are unwilling to. Allies listen to our words, but follow our lead. Love is a great transmitter of truth; an Ally knows if we’re speaking from a voice of experience or merely repeating words that have been rendered hollow by the absence of the steps needed to make them real.

Training people to act as Guides for The Path was a necessary step in its growth and evolution. When I was the only Guide available, the number of people requesting the Work grew beyond my capacity to handle alone; there just wasn’t enough hours in the day. The Guides that were trained were Allies who had gone through the Work and later, asked if they could guide. On the high end, the intention and desire to help others was certainly present in some.  On the low end, the desire was ego driven and the motivation went from wanting to ‘be like me’ to wanting to actually ‘be me’. Amazingly, some even thought they could do a better job of being me than I could!  After choosing the highest motives and weeding out the rest, we moved forward and did the very best job that we could.

In the end, however, one very important factor became glaringly clear: guiding was a gift, my gift, and no matter how much or how hard I worked to imbue another with the true essence of that gift, it was never the same.  My unconditional love for each being that I guided and my impeccable devotion to ‘walking the talk’ of the Work, made it very clear that guiding another human being through The Path was my gift, my work, my destiny.  It was my life and  I never found another Guide willing or capable of making — and keeping — such a commitment.  Hence, my seeking to create another way to utilize the abilities of a Guide, without having to do the ‘hands-on’ guiding myself.  

Guiding is a very intense reality, one that requires total immersion in and focus on the lives of other beings. There was a time when doing that was appropriate; I no longer feel that it is — and The Team (Chakra, Monea et al.) have concurred. It seems, gratefully, I was not ‘off the mark’ about people guiding themselves. The part I missed, due to my lack of clarity about the role I needed to play, was that people have to be trained in order to guide themselves.  Walking and tracking the self through the mind and life altering effects of The Process takes being well-informed. One needs to know what to expect and how to handle the variety of things that will and do surface as you journey through. Guiding the self opens up a whole new level of self-responsibility and commitment to one’s own healing and spiritual growth. It places the trust in the self, instead of in another person. Frankly, I find the prospect both innovative and exciting.

The Path is amazing in its ability to continually reconfigure itself to meet the changing needs of human beings and the world we live in. I look forward, with great interest, to see what format it creates to facilitate this new level of growth in the Work. As soon as I know more, I’ll be sure to keep you posted.

Always in love,

Melana

The Best Laid Plans…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hello! I know it’s been a while since my last post. Love has a way of calling the shots every now and then; the best laid plans move to the back when love takes the driver’s seat. Hope all is well with each of you; I suspect you’ve all been busy tending to your own life changes and updates as well.

When last here, I spoke of providing an explanation on the subject of guiding as well as posting Part II of Newborns. Well, there have been some changes in my life that will affect my blogging reality. First, I have been asked by ‘my powers that be’ not to post The Path chapters that involve the actual process of the Work. There are plans being put in place for the re-emergence of The Path as an active teaching reality and they would be grateful if I didn’t decide to ‘give it all away’ just yet! Let me explain.

I started The Path blog with the intention of sharing with people information about the Work. Posting the Guidebook seemed a perfect way to introduce The Path. It provided a basic understanding of what the Work actually was, along with the steps involved in the process of learning to love the self. As time went on, the idea begin to evolve (mostly in my head!) that, perhaps, it was possible for people to take on the responsibility of self-guiding, working with another person also doing the Work, or even a group; it was never my intention for one person to guide another. What I had envisioned was making myself available to support those choosing to do the Work by ‘guiding’ their guiding process. Basically, I wanted the Work to be available, but limit my involvement, since I wasn’t clear on whether I was prepared to resume my former role as teacher and leader of The Path. It was my heartfelt intention to make The Path available, I simply wasn’t clear on how to make that happen.

Wisely, the decision was not just mine to make. I am grateful for the guidance I am now receiving on the best way to move forward with the reality of The Path. I’m excited, albeit a bit overwhelmed, at the prospect of teaching again. Unfortunately, the future plans of The Path and my direct involvement in the preparation and unfolding of this next phase, prohibit me from making The Path process available through this blog. My sincere apologies for those of you who were seriously contemplating doing the Work in this way. I’m not sure just what the future design is going to be, but I will, of course, make you aware of any opportunities that unfold down the road for being involved in this Work.

This has been a very big lesson for me about patience, patience and, well, more patience! Also, taking the lead when it’s not really mine to take. The Path doesn’t belong to me; it was a gift that was given to me to share, not to own. In my impatience with love (silly, huh?), I decided to make decisions that, simply, were not mine to make. I sometimes forget that I’m not the only one in charge of me. I really am not the boss of me — love is. The good new is: Life is changing!!! Yay!!

I’ve replaced Spiritual Newborns/ 6  with The Form/ 6, a chapter that was added in the second printing of the book.  It’s an amazing read, with more detailed information about the deeper truth of The Path.  It also gives a breakdown of the five aspects of love.  Very powerful.   In case you’re feeling ‘blue’ about not being able to do the Work — don’t.  There is so much valuable and useful information already provided to learn and grow from, with more to come!  Remember — as I always remind myself — everything happens for a (good) reason!

Blessings from my heart,
Mxx

A Guidebook Update!

Photo by Neil Alejandro

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hello everyone! Hope you are all well and feeling hopeful about yourselves, your lives and your loves. I am well, this day, and grateful for it.

It is my intention to post Spiritual Newborns/6 - Part II within the next several days. As I explained, in greater detail, in my post, Voice to Pen and Back Again, I am in the midst of rewriting the Guidebook material, adding more details to create a clear and comprehensive breakdown of all the steps involved in the experience and the process of this Work. The following chapters will be made available, as soon as they are ready.

Chapter 7
Spiritual Newborns
Part III - Preparing to Birth A New You

Chapter 8
Spiritual Warriors
Part I - Labor
Stage 1 - Acknowledgment
Stage 2 - Willingness to Let Go

Chapter 9
Spiritual Warriors
Part II - Delivery
Letting Go

Chapter 10
Spiritual Warriors
Part III - Postpartum
Stage 1 - Integration
Stage 2 - Acceptance

Chapter 11
Spiritual Warriors
Follow-up

Initially, I planned to post the Guidebook fairly quickly. However, once I began, it became clear that more work was involved then just copying it from book to blog. Actually, I am very grateful for the slowing down of this whole process, as it allows me the opportunity to literally ‘go through’ the Work by immersing myself in each step while writing to make it clearer for you. Also, if I am undergoing my own deeper self-healing as I do this, it provides relevant subject matter for sharing and discussing the impact of working on one’s self and the issues that naturally surface. It’s helpful for me because it creates the necessity to become more self-revealing and more open about who I am as a person, in my life and in the world. A true leader leads by example — or not at all. For who should follow one who has shown no feet for the journey…

I’ve decided to write a separate post to address the issue of Guides. A question was asked about how to find a Guide for the Work. Before I can answer the question, there are some very important revelations that have to be shared about the whole Guiding reality. This is a big one, in and of itself, as well as for me. It’s about opportunity, choice, decision and outcome. Also, facing the truth and seriously questioning whether or not we can we do it better? I know. I’m rambling, but for a reason. It’ll all come clear in the next post…

Take care you wonderful ones; my heart smiles for you.

Mx

Leaders and Teachers are Human, Oh My!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
 
 

I feel so much better today!  Thank you, God, love and the wonderful beings who showed up, reminding me about ‘all the good stuff’ and letting me know that I am loved.  It really is true: love always has your back…

It’s very important for me, this time around, to allow people to see my struggle, my turmoil and my pain. Not necessarily up-close and personal, but close enough to know that it does happen to me.  As the spiritual leader of The Path, I never allowed myself that luxury.  The allies, guides and teachers of The Path viewed me more as a ‘loving machine’ than a human being.  

Through all the years of working with people, I did what was necessary to keep my heart open and present for my work, but, personally, my heart languished from lack of care and attention.  Of course, I didn’t know this was happening; my need to love was the only love I knew.  That, and loving myself.  As long as I was doing the loving, the circle seemed complete.  I never understood that, beyond loving what I gave or what I did, perhaps, I needed to also be loved as a person.  As you can probably surmise, this story goes down a very, long and winding road. I will leave you here and continue on to uncover more truth about why I have not expected or required human beings to love me — for me — until now…  And so my process, like yours, continues.

Tomorrow I’ll be posting about the upcoming chapters of the Guidebook and, address a question posed to me about choosing a guide to assist one in doing The Work.  Until then…

 

Blessings from my heart,

Mxx

To Love Again

Photo by Adem Kaya

 

 

 

 

 

 

When I first started this blog, my intention was to make both The Path and my Guidebook available to all those interested in learning about love and what it means to love the self. My active work as a spiritual teacher and leader has been ‘on hold’ for the past seven years. However, I knew that even if I didn’t resume my former work, it was of utmost importance to me to share this beautiful truth about love I was gifted with years ago. A gift that radically changed me and my life for the good and the better and continues to do so each day.

I realized yesterday, that I’ve been both suffering and recovering from a broken heart; one of the major by-products of having undergone a serious encounter with the depths of darkness and despair over the past seven years. Splintered and broken, reset with splints, cast and crutches, I have hobbled my way back to life. My bones mending; my heart a disaster. It’s as if the darkness beat the love out of me, every inch of me. I lost everything and everyone I loved, save for two. One precarious and volatile, yet unshakeable, and the other, my son, as solid as the love I’ve held him in from the first moment I knew he was. The worst of it was losing my connection to the powerful, breathtaking love I’ve always felt for human beings. I have loved you from my first breath, a love that has guided and protected me through all my mishaps and adventures. Without loving you, my heart continues to break and my life is without direction or meaning.

And so, I say all of this to really say, I love you, again. Just beginning to feel it some, now. Not yet in it’s full measure, but the seeds are growing steadily. I have learned a thing or two in that darkness about the darkness in myself and others, but I shall replace my wariness with wisdom and not trample or be trampled by selfish and uncaring designs that seek to squander love’s kindness. I am most grateful to God and to Love to be given the opportunity, once again, to wave the banner of love’s healing joy high, above the clouds, for all to see. So all will know that the power of love’s truth and light will reign, once again, in our hearts, in our lives and in our walk on our sacred, patient and ever caring Mother Earth.

I love you…

Let a Little Love In

Let a little love in
closed hearts ache from missing
such sweetness a buried face
a neck embraced with kisses
brushing and bruising light tattoos
of love’s tender designs
let a little love in
our hearts cry out for the joy of it

This Path of Love

The Path is about love
but why love? if we cannot love
each other together, why love
ourselves separate and apart
self-love is love sought to give
not to keep alone without a sharing
thought or deed in hand for another
this path, this work, this blog of words
alone will not do the deed of deliverance
into love’s joy but the heart of you and me
we, us together can measure love’s greatness
thus fulfilling love’s dream of oneness in you
and me and us together, never separate or apart